My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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