After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
