When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
