chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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