that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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