Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
