Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
