I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
