I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize