Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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