i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
