Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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