Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
