Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
