i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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