dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
