I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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