Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Even my vagina gasped.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
