I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
