yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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