Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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