I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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