I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
