peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize