Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
