We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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