at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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