what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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