im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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