guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Farmville is her only friend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
