So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
