Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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