my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
