WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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