Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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