John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
