This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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