How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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