watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
