Apparently you make a good broom.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
