and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
