Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
