We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
