We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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