Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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