I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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