so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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