So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
