i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize