can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
