Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
