Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
