dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
