the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
