I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize