i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
