STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
