I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
