I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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