I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
