this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
