the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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