I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
