Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
