I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
