once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
