Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
