as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
wow bdsm is so cute
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
