turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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