I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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