Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
