I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
