it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
