so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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