i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
