Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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