anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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