Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
