he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
