I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
