i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They are going to name an STD after you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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