I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
