she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
