you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
