her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She is in my trunk
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
