So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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