Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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