do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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