Plan B is the new Plan A
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
