she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize