I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
