Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The best revenge is premature balding
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
