i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
