If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So vagazzling was a success
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
