i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
