The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
