I just saw a hot homeless man
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she peed on how many people?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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