even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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