East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
