But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
