I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
