alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
