next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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