Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
